Decisions, decisions…

When i last wrote a few days ago, I explained how the RE that did my saline ultrasound was not my RE. She hinted as she was looking at it that she didn’t think what she saw on the ultrasound was surgical, but that it was “controversial” and that some doctors would. When we walked out of the office, Lance immediately said to me, “she is saying that Dr. P. is going to want to operate”. 

He was totally right. I decided that I didn’t want to wait three weeks for Dr. P’s opinion so I asked over email, and his response was that whether it was a polyp or an adhesion (scarring) it would need to be removed with a hysteroscopy. ARGH. So not what I wanted to hear!

Dr. P. scheduled me for the procedure on September 26th. A full month away, which would mean that we’d be losing yet another cycle. 

The problem is that I don’t really have a gut feeling about it. I don’t think that whatever they saw is causing all of my losses. It was so small that it couldn’t even be seen at first. But, I worry that if I have another loss I wouldn’t forgive myself for not attacking this now. 

Our initial thought, before hearing that Dr. P. wanted to operate, was that we should get my TSH in check and try to conceive. But now I’m at a loss. Clearly Dr. P. is aggressive. He wants to rule everything out before we start trying again. But to me, I hate the idea of an invasive procedure that could potentially cause more damage when no one knows for sure if it is causing our losses. I feel like the odds of something so small causing all three losses is very, very slim. Since our fetal chromosome analysis didn’t work, for all we know it was a chromosomal abnormality and neither TSH or my uterus were the cause! 

So we don’t really have a decision at this point. I believe he is scheduling the surgery but at our consultation on September 16th he is going to have to do a really good job at convincing us to do it. Because right now I think we are both leaning away from it. 

The past few days have been really hard. It is so hard to be patient when I know that a healthy pregnancy is all I need to lift this cloud from over my head. With every month I wait, and with every new pregnancy announcement I see on facebook (I should be 14 weeks tomorrow so now is the time that everyone due in February is announcing), I just sink further and further. I’m thankful that I had an awesome ladies night on Wednesday and got to play hockey last night. The distractions are much needed.


5 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions…

  1. I had to have a hysteroscopy after loss number 3 because they found “something” in my uterus too. It turned out it was retained products of conception. It was very small, but my doctor told me it was a good thing they removed it because it can cause a lot of problems with your hormones and overall not be healthy staying in there. This was all after my hormones had gone back to 0 too so it was pretty surprising. Try not to worry about the procedure too much hon. I had a bit of discomfort during it, but it was very straight forward, and didn’t take too long. And it gave me a lot of peace of mind because we got a telescopic view of everything and were given reassurance that my uterus was in good shape even after 2 d&cs and the emergency c-section I had. We only had to wait one month after it to start trying again. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything will go smoothly and that you’ll be back on track to trying again by the end of October.

  2. I really feel for you on this. My whole thing after my second loss was to be ultra cautious, get everything tested and do any procedure that might help prevent future losses….but it took from Jan – May to do all of that and now I’m so frustrated that so much time has gone by. My RE thought she saw a small septum on my saline ultrasound and when we actually did the hysteroscopy it turned out to be pretty large, so it was a good thing we did it. The hysteroscopy will give you peace of mind, but I know it’s a tough call. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

    • It’s so hard. And it doesn’t helped that one of my friends IRL had 4 losses, then they discovered a small septum, she was scheduled for surgery, and then 2 days before her surgery she got a positive pregnancy test. And her baby is 15 months old now! So ugh. I wish I had a crystal ball that could just tell me.

      • Ugh, I know. There have been so many times I’ve desperately wanted a crystal ball when trying to make these decisions. It all feels like such a gamble sometimes. Wishing you luck!

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