Mentally and Physically

As we approach the one week mark since our third miscarriage, I think I’m beginning to turn a corner mentally. Physically, I have felt 100% since late Wednesday. I was shocked how quick I recovered this time. I was in pretty decent pain all day Tuesday, although I slept away most of that day. By Wednesday I was able to go back to work.

Mentally was a different story. I think because of the surprise of the emergency D&C I had a delay in processing everything that had happened. It made for a tough few days during the end of the week, but I think that the acute grief phase – which is definitely the hardest part to get through – has already passed.

Right now, I’m mainly just anxious and hopeful for our appointment with the RE on Tuesday. My biggest worry is that he is going to make us wait several weeks to begin testing. I really just want to get moving with things and start our search for answers. We should have the results of the fetal chromosome analysis in a few weeks so I’d love to have had the testing done on us and have a gameplan by the time we get those results.

Maybe my expectations aren’t realistic, but I think that progress would really help my mental state. In the meantime, I’ve started to do tons of research on recurrent pregnancy loss  (RPL) so that we can go into this appointment semi-educated. Unfortunately the main takeaway I’ve discovered is that there is very little research into RPL and that fertility clinics like the one we’ll be going to mostly focus on helping people get pregnant.

I’m not really sure what I want the doctor to say – but I think as long as he has some optimism and a plan I will be enthusiastic.

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One thought on “Mentally and Physically

  1. I pray you get some answers soon too hon. It’s true, there really isn’t a lot of information out there. I know you read through my blog, but just wanted to recap my own experiences with RPL…

    After my 4th loss and 3rd miscarriage, they did the full testing on my husband and I and determined that I had DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) for my age and that although I was able to get pregnant easily and genetic testing on both my husband and I came back normal, the Dr. believed that my DOR was likely the cause of my miscarriages due to poor egg quality and my eggs were likely causing chromosomal abnormalities. The best diagnosis for me was to do IVF so we could send our embryos away for PGD testing and only transfer back normal embryos. Unfortunately, I did not respond well to the fertility meds and didn’t yield good eggs. We got 11 embryos over 2 retrievals, but only 4 made it to the 5 day blastocyst stage they want for testing, and only one was normal after the testing for transfer. That one normal “healthy” embryo failed to implant. It was very confusing because I have always gotten pregnant easily, but the one time I tried fertility treatments, I didn’t get pregnant. Our RE basically washed his hands of me after that and said, his best advice was to go back to trying on our own since getting pregnant wasn’t our problem and hope to catch a good egg. And so we did. We had one more loss the very next cycle and then went on to finally catch a good egg 2 cycles after that. I’m now 16 weeks 2 days, but still very afraid I’ll lose this baby too.

    I think you are doing the right thing by seeing an RE and getting tested because there are number of reasons that could be causing your RPL and some solutions are easier than others, but I also caution you to follow your gut on this too. I don’t regret trying IVF with PGD, because for all I know, it was all those fertility meds and procedures did some good to my ovaries that led to our healthy baby in some strange way, but part of me wishes I had trusted my gut and just kept trying on our own too since in the end that is how we got to where we are now. We could have saved a lot of money!

    Sending you light and love as you continue to heal from your losses, especially this most recent loss. I hope you can also find answers and solutions as you embark on the next steps. Hugs girl. Praying for your rainbow baby ❤

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