I’ve been making private posts on the blog for the past few weeks. Posts that I can see that no one else can. The reason was that I was pregnant again, and waiting to spread the news publicly until we got into the second trimester.
But last week, we got bad news. Our baby was only measuring 6 weeks 1 day when it should have measured 7 weeks 6 days. 10 days prior it had measured 6 weeks 0 days, so while there was still a slight heartbeat, we knew that the baby wouldn’t survive.
We mourned another miscarriage.
Yesterday, I returned to the doctor’s office where they confirmed that the heart had stopped beating. We’ve decided to wait things out for ten days to see if I can miscarry on my own. If I can’t, we’ll go to the miscarriage clinic and discuss either taking misoprostol or having another d&c.
Right now, I am coping ok. I think its because I never really let myself get attached to this pregnancy. I alternated feeling really negative and really positive about it. I had just started to get some pretty good nausea before the baby stopped growing, which made me feel positive, but I also had a nagging feeling that something wasn’t right.
With my first loss, I had no concept that this could happen to me – so I was just so shocked that recovery felt impossible. In my head I was picking out names, designing a nursery, and preparing to welcome a perfect child around Labor Day.
Going through this once was absolutely devastating. Going through it again just doesn’t seem fair. But we have a beautiful baby girl, and we know that we can get pregnant, so we just need things to work out one more time and all will be well.
In the meantime, we’re keeping busy visiting friends (post coming soon), hosting our parents, and getting ready to move to a new house. Bella was a beautiful rainbow at the end of a very dark storm for us, and we just have to have faith that another rainbow awaits us in the near future.