Oh, it has been a fun few days. I’ve been a complete nervous wreck since I first noticed the brown discharge Sunday morning. I felt a little better that it seemed to be lessening instead of getting worse but I was still terrified of today’s appointment. The good news is, we can breathe a little easier for now. Our little bean was there, measuring right on track at 5 weeks 6 days, and we could even see the little flicker of a heart beat. While I’m thrilled that we din’t get bad news today, I still know that we have a long way to go before I can feel like I may actually give birth to a baby. This is actually exactly how my last pregnancy went. I had some very light spotting at 6 weeks. I went to the doctor at 6 weeks 3 days and saw a baby that measured right on target and had a heart beat. Then I went back for our regularly scheduled appointment at 8 weeks and the baby measured 2 days ahead and had a great heart beat. At around 10.5 weeks, I started having some more brown discharge but wasn’t worried and went to my regularly scheduled appointment at 11 weeks and learned that the baby had died at 9.
So while I am relieved for the time being that things look good at the moment, there is still that fear in the back of my mind that this spotting was the first indication last time that things weren’t right. It went away after a few days and surfaced again after the baby had died.
I want to be positive. I want to enjoy this. But I am terrified. Don’t get me wrong. I’d have been devastated if we hadn’t seen a heart beat today, but I’m also not feeling the joy and thrill that I should be experiencing seeing my baby for the first time. I really hope that all of this worrying is for nothing, and that we can make it through the first trimester and go on to have a normal pregnancy and a healthy baby in 8 months!