Today is the day that follows the hardest two days of my life. After finding out that our little one had not survived, we were scheduled for what was basically a D&C without the curretage. Instead of the curretage, Duke uses a vacuum aspiration. I did the procedure awake with the help of some meds for anxiety and pain and made it through. While I was a bit wobbly afterwards, there has been little physical pain.
Today I am back at work. My concentration is definitely lacking. I am breaking into emotional fits and have to leave the office to sob. I keep reminding myself that I am strong and that I can make it through this. Lance has been as great to me as a girl could want…he is in just as much pain as I am…but he takes the time to help me through the anxiety. I don’t want to ever forget my first child, and I know this is a pain and memory that will never totally subside, but finishing the procedure yesterday is allowing my body the time to begin to heal. Lance took me to our favorite frozen yogurt place on the way home from the hospital and made me tacos for dinner. We both passed out early exhausted from the emotional toll.
While I know this pain will never totally go away, I am hoping for the strength to heal my body and my mind, so that we can try again in the coming months.